So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
