The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
