I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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