So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
