If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
