Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
sarcasm needs its own font
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
