accomplished twins. life is a go
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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