bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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