I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
