Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
