Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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