Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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