Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
either way he was missing a nipple.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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