he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
