Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
