elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
