i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't deserve a penis
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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