my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
