Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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