you turned your livingroom into a bong?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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