I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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