can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
