I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
