i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
