if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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