Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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