Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
