...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
