I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
