seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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