I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was like eating out sand paper
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
