I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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