Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You pole danced in your parka.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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