I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
