Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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