What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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