I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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