I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
