just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
