i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
