I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did I show you my penis last night?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
