Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Two words: blizzard sex
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
