Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
