Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
