He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
