imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
