NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
