he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
