i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
