after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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